How Does it All Work Out?
I’m not even pregnant, but I can’t stop thinking about this. How do you do it when baby #2 arrives?? Right now, I work at home full time (30+ hours per week). Calista goes to daycare three days a week and that is when I do most of my work, and then I work on and off during the two weekdays she’s home with me. I have a lot of guilt over the fact that I can’t even fully devote myself to her the two days she’s home, but I also have guilt that I work at home and she’s in care outside the home.
Then there’s the issue that I just can’t put a baby in daycare. NOTHING against daycare moms, but it’s just that I’m at home when I work, and putting a baby in daycare when I work at home seems crazy! And I just want to be home with my babies, I just can’t imagine putting them in care until almost 2, like Calista was. I know, it’s a personal issue…
Plus, daycare for an infant is expensive. If I put a baby in daycare, I’d have to work more hours to pay for it.
But then what if I have the baby home full time, and Calista continues in her school three days a week, will Calista be jealous or resentful that the baby is with me and she has to go to school? And Calista’s school doesn’t take infants, so I’d have to have the baby somewhere else, and since I wouldn’t want them apart, I’d have to move Calista and we LOVE her school now! It’s bilingual and she learns so much there, I would not want to take her away.
What does it matter? I don’t want to put the baby in daycare. But then I’m left working from home with an infant. I obviously can’t work the whole day, because the baby would need me, so I’d have to work on and off. Then I wouldn’t get everything done in the day, so I’d have to work again after the kids were in bed to catch up, and that would leave NO time left for me and Skip, not to mention I’d be EXHAUSTED! Heck, I’m tired all of the time now.
And then there’s the HUGE what if — what if we had twins? Oh my God, I couldn’t even imagine how I’d ever manage if we have twins.
Please don’t hate me for saying these things, as I know it seems ridiculous to go through so much to have a baby and then go on about having no idea how we’ll manage it. I see moms on Connected Moms post the same worries all of the time when a new baby is coming, so I know it’s a normal worry. But now that I’m thinking about it, it’s SCARY and I feel like if I could get some sort of game plan put together, I’d feel so much better.
Right now, I just keep reminding myself it WILL work out, but the problem is I want to know HOW!
I’ve started thinking about a subcontractor that I could farm out some work, but it’s hard to find someone who does both web and graphic design, can do print design and knows programming — and doesn’t charge a fortune. But I’ve got to find someone. Especially because if I get pregnant and it’s anything like my pregnancy with Calista… I’m going to be SICK and I’m going to need help. I found someone online that I thought would be a great match — another WAHM who does web and graphic design and programming, but she’s hasn’t replied to my email. I just don’t even know where else to look, really (I found the one I mentioned by chance while browsing the web), and then I worry that I might have problems down the road, like finding out that they don’t have the skills they said or it’s just not a good match.
Ugh, I need to stop worrying so much. Things will work out. Right?
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RELAX. Baby steps. Let’s get pregnant first before you start sweating the details. Calista will be a wonderful big sister,you have a flexible work schedule and Skip will be there for you. Yes two will be more work than one. However, babies are a blessing and it’s amazing how you can adapt. Just try to relax now and get as much rest as possible. It will work out just fine.
Sommer, as you said, I think these are all normal and valid concerns.
I did want to offer you a resource in case you don’t know of it, though. I’m not sure how active it is now since I haven’t had my business for a while, but there were TONS of wahms with the skills and expertise you’re talking about for sub-contracting at http://www.internetbasedmoms.com (in the forum) when I was running my business a while back. I’m not sure what their rates are, but it might be worth a try.
Best of luck with your IVF and the ensuing decisions for your family. (((hugs)))
Things will all work out in the end, I promise. ((((HUGS))))
Whew, I found your blog – thanks to your post on Cmoms. :)
I totally understand what you’re saying about not wanting to put a baby in daycare when you’re home. I work full time and my kids are in daycare but on the odd occassion I’m off for the day (even if I’m sick) I just cannot send my kids to daycare. Talk about guilt!
But honestly, the thing I keep learning is that if you try too hard to plan these things too early, all you’ll end up doing is causing yourself unnecessary worry. B/c when the situation is actually presenting itself, things may be different in your life and you will also have a different mindset to deal with it. My DH gets so frustrated w/ me b/c I try to do this all the time and worry. But when things actually come to fruition, things will fall into place, even if it hard to believe that now.
Hey Sommer! I recently had DD#2 and have a 3.5 year old. I’m working PT from home. DD#1 goes to daycare one day a week. It is DIFFICULT. Although I’m finding that DD#1 is pretty self sufficient – as long as she is fed. I tend to work like a mad woman when the baby has naps.
From what I know of you and your determination, I’m sure you’ll be able to find a way to make it work.
All the best with your IVF – I’ll keep you in my thoughts.