I think I posted that we got the cribs a few weeks ago and built them (I’ll take a picture eventually…). They are set up in the nursery and I’ve been going through Calista’s old things, as well as things our friends have given us (they had a baby boy) and washing and folding all the little gowns and blankets. Right now, the cribs are there with all kinds of teeny outfits and such in them and I like to just peek in the room and look at them from time to time.

I am so excited for these babies, and feel so lucky to be having them. I just never knew how hard a twin pregnancy — or any pregnancy, for that matter — could be.

I had been having lower back pain for a while, and decided I should call the OB to make sure it wasn’t pre-term labor (PTL). Thankfully, it’s not (it must just be normal pregnancy pains and discomforts) and everything — and everyone — looked great.

I talked to the doctor for a bit, and I asked her how I could get through this pregnancy a little less stressed out. I am always worried something is going to go wrong. She said that I am “so high risk” that it worries them, as my doctors, so she can only imagine how I feel. She hugged me and basically told me I have to take it day by day, which I’ve been trying to do.

Her choice of words took me a little off-guard, though… “so” high risk? I guess maybe things are a little more serious than I realized. I know that the twins make things risky right there, and then the placenta previa — which is still very much a complete previa — doesn’t help.

Yesterday, I got to add to the fun when my homecare nurse came to change my PICC line dressing. I had been on the phone with a client when she arrived. I got off the phone and we sat down so she could remove the adhesive and put new dressings on. As she was doing this, she put the blood pressure and pulse monitor on my wrist and let it do its thing.

When it was done, my blood pressure was ok (high for me, but ok based on what’s considered normal) but my pulse was 122. She asked what on earth I had been doing, and I said I was just on the phone, nothing more. Then the tunnel vision started, the hearing loss and the hot flashes.

She told me I should not be alone like that and got me into my recliner and immediately started an IV. She called my doctor, who asked her to stay through my IV (2+ hours) and then check my vitals again afterwards. She also called Skip to let him know he may have to come home.

I was glad she was there when it happened, because I’ve been getting these spells — like at the hairdresser a few weekends ago — and when I told one of my OBs, they said it was a normal occurrence in pregnancy. Now that the nurse had witnessed what happens, and said with my pulse that high it was NOT normal — I think they will take me a little more seriously on that front.

Anyhow, after the hydration and just sitting around for a couple of hours, my pulse was down to 96. Not great, but better. The nurse instructed me to call my OB immediately should it go above 100 and I have to check it several times a day. I am not to go up and down my stairs unless absolutely necessary (since I get dizzy when I do so) and am on light bed rest again until I see my OB on Tuesday.

I’ve checked my pulse while resting several times, and it seems to be holding around 95-100. Getting up, talking too much, or going up the stairs really aggravates it, so I’ve been trying to stay put.

Of course, all of these recent developments brought on another bout of crying last night. It’s just so hard to want this so badly, be terrified something is going to go wrong, and to have all of these problems to boot. Sure, I was worried when I was pregnant with Calista, but thankfully, I had no problems to validate any of those fears. This time, it’s so different and it’s very hard to get through the day sometimes when I am having these kinds of problems.

I am 19 weeks now, so just 19 more to go at the most (38 weeks is when they will induce if the babies don’t come before then). I am halfway there. Right now, I look forward to Friday (August 3rd) as that will be 20 weeks and a milestone for my pregnancy. My next goal/milestone will be 24 weeks, which is the very edge of viability. Every week I go after that, the babies have better and better a chance of survival should they be born.

It’s so sad and scary to think of my goals as points at which my babies will survive, but right now, it’s my reality. I hate to think for a second they might not make it, but I just do not see us without both babies, and I hold on to that feeling to get through each day. They are moving a lot more now as well — enough that Skip can feel them from the outside — and that also helps keep me focused on how well they are doing right now. I can even feel a foot or a head sticking out (and hurting me!) from time to time. :)

My biggest personal goal is 34 weeks. At that point, I do not have to travel to Seattle (2 hours) to deliver, I can deliver locally. I know if I must go to Seattle, it’s for the best, but I hope not to as I don’t want to have to be that far from my babies — or Skip and Calista should I be there for bed rest. But for now, I’ll get to 20 weeks and take it step by step.

Silly as it may sound, the little floating babies on the right side of the blog help me, too… I noticed today they are bigger than they were at 18 weeks and “seeing” them grow is a nice reminder of how far we’ve come.

We have our anatomy scan on Tuesday. That’s the very detailed ultrasound where they measure all of the babies’ parts, check the chambers of the heart, etc. and look for any potential problems. I hope that both babies are doing well and we have a great result from the scan. It’s a two hour ultrasound (one hour per baby), so Calista will spend the morning with friends while Skip and I are at the appointment.

Please wish us luck!

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