26 Weeks — Fakin’ a Smile

Today I am 26 weeks. The survival rate of a baby born at 26-27 weeks gestation is ~84%. Every week those numbers go up and every week we are just a little closer.

It’s been a rough day, though. The Ibuprofen has been irritating my already irritable bowels (IBS) and I was up crying at 4 am from the pain. Then I felt nauseous all day and talked to the peri’s nurse abut the Ibuprofen and not using my IV (I was trying to go a week with no IVs in hopes of losing the PICC line… starting to think THAT will never happen). She told me to switch my prenatals back to the children’s chewable vitamins, take Vitamin C with my iron pills to help with absorption, make sure I am taking food with my Ibuprofen and start the IVs back up for hydration. I am to tough it out through the weekend until my Monday appointment when we can check on my cervix and contractions and see where to go from there.

Once I got off the phone with the nurse I just lost it. I started crying and that led to hyperventilating. The hyperventilating made me worry I was going to cause contractions, which led to outright sobbing, and the next thing I knew, I was flopped on the couch, covered in snot and tears and just wailing hysterically. Thank God I was home alone — I must have really been a sight to behold.

I didn’t want to call Skip as my fears and upset worry him, and no point in having both of us be a mess. I had already talked to my mom once today, and I tried to call my friend Lindsay, but she was out of town for the weekend. I sent out an S.O.S. to the local Mothers of Multiples (MOMs) Club and posted a cry for help on Connected Moms, my on-line community.

I had several replies to my MOMs email and even two phone calls, and of course my friends on Connected Moms posted many messages of support. It really, really helps me to have people who “get it” and can just commiserate in my misery sometimes.

It’s hard to get so upset and even tell people how I am feeling, because these babies are so very wanted, and I had so many hard days along the road to getting pregnant, so to be pregnant and then so very miserable feels wrong and I feel guilty. I think about wanting to just not be pregnant any more, and I try not to think that, because heaven forbid these babies come to soon, I would have so much guilt over knowing I wished I was done being pregnant.

So, these boys will just have to abuse me to no end and I will take it, because that’s my job. I can’t help but wish it were a little easier, though.

Here we are tonight, at 26 weeks. Please excuse my very fake smile this evening.

26 week belly

12 Replies to “26 Weeks — Fakin’ a Smile”

  1. OH Sommer!! You have had a rough time of it – do not apologise for your feelings. {{{HUGS}}} to you (although I did have just a little giggle at your line ‘being covered in snot and tears’) – see you can still retain your sense of humour.

    Congrats on reaching 26 weeks already!

  2. Sommer, you are so beautiful, fake smile and all! Of course, it’s fine to wish things were easier. No one would ever doubt how much you want and love these babies. Twenty-six weeks!!! How awesome!

  3. (((HUGS)))))
    Sommer – no one ever said that pg’y was easy and if they did they should be SHOT! =)

    With every passing day those boys get stronger and stronger- keep that in mind- and my gran’s words of wisdom- ” this too shall pass” and one day you may actually MISS being preggo-

    I personaly dont think i EVER will but then again…..

    Keep the end in mind and we are here for you whenever you need it!!!!

  4. Oh please dont think that! I know how much you have wanted these boys and feeling like crap is never any fun! I know you apprecaite everything and I understand when you need to complaine about the PG-and all the pains etc that have come along with it. I am so happy that you are able to complaine about it :-)
    You look great :-)

  5. aw Sommer. You’re allowed to cry, allowed to have moments of hysteria, allowed to want to be done. It doesn’t mean you’re not grateful. Hang in there hun.

  6. Awwww…Sommer! I’m so sorry the boys are causing you such pain! They are just trying to make sure it looks EASY to care for two little ones when they get here! LOL!

    I hope they give you a little bit of a break and that they stay put as long as possible! Don’t feel bad…every pg woman goes through a hard time at some point and you have had MORE than your fair share of hard times!!

    Good luck!

  7. Girl, wishing yourself not pregnant any longer doesn’t make you want those babies any less. You wanted to be PG ONLY because it gets you babies. You wanted babies, not to be pregnant, but of course that goes with it. I pretty much hated being pregnant, especially with Claire, and I felt guilty too, but I realized not wanting to be pregnant had nothing to do with not wanting the baby. I wish I were there to help, but that’s a pipe dream. I hope things get easier soon!! *HUGS*

  8. You have every right to feel that way! (((Hugs))) You’ve got a lot on your plate. Everyone who knows you knows how hard you worked to get pg. You’ve had a very rough time of it – I’d want to be done, too! (((Hugs))) That said, FWIW, I think you look great. And I’d never have guessed that was a fake smile!

  9. Been there, done that! I know just how you feel, with every pregnancy I felt like shit, hyperemesis, PTL, etc. I also know about the stress that comes along with that and I think you need to take a deep breath b/c the boys are doing good, and you hit a great milestone in the pregnancy if the boys were to be born sooner than later. Just tell yourself “4 more weeks” and when that gets here, you push yourself another week, and then another. I think it was about this point in my pregnancy that I made a chain countdown thing with my girls and each week we tore one off and it really helped me to keep some perspective! GL & God Bless

  10. I may not totally “get it” (yet), but it happens I was home all weekend and not one person called. I have two hefty shoulders that are great for leaning, crying, complaining, or just letting it all out.

    We all know how much of a blessing these two boys are, and you deserve them. You’re also allowed to complain a bit when you’re miserable. Hope your appointment goes well tomorrow. I’ll be thinking about you!

  11. I sure wish I had been home!!

    Do not for one second think you have to feel guilty about hating the suffering you have gone through in this pregnancy! Those precious boys are no less loved and wanted. You are trooper, hang in there.

  12. Don’t you feel guilty! I have been there and it’s just not worth it. It’s hard to enjoy being pregnant when you’re miserable. I remember counting down the days and being glad I was a vessel but not enjoying it one bit! You’re doing really well and you shouldn’t feel bad about complaining, we all understand. (((HUG)))

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