The Wall
I feel like we’ve hit a wall in our progress. Ace and Nate are doing awesome — all they have left to do before they can come home is to take all feedings by mouth. They are slowly increasing their intake, but I feel like it’s going to take a long time to get where they need to be. They generally take about 16-18 cc per feed, and their total feeds are 34 cc (Ace) and 45 cc (Nate). They have a ways to go.
I cried last night when I left them. I just want them home now. I want them to nurse, but they are still small and sleepy. I can’t push them, I have to wait until they are ready. But I am ready to be done with this. It’s been 20 days and the first 18 or so went fast. Now time feels like it’s standing still.
I’ve been spending 7 hours a day in the special care nursery with them. I spend 2 hours a day driving back and forth to the hospital. 5 hours a day is spent pumping and nursing. I sleep no more than 4-5 hours at a time because I need to get up and pump. It’s no wonder I am so tired.
I did skip their 8 and 9 am feedings today so I could get a little more sleep, but I feel so bad doing it. Nate is always wide awake when I get there at 8, ready to nurse, and it makes me sad to think he was wide awake this morning and Mommy wasn’t there for him.
I hope and pray that they reach this last milestone as quickly as they’ve reached their others. I’m ready to have my babies with me and don’t want to have to leave them behind anymore, or decide if my sleep is more important than going to the hospital.
