Blue Christmas



The past few days have been busy, and I’ve also been having a lot of headaches and neck pain (thanks, Nissan Xterra Lady).  Almost all of the gifts are wrapped — and the rest will be done tonight after Skip brings home some more wrapping paper.  He’s also picking up the last of the gifts today (those Easy Bake Ovens are hard to find!).

We’ll be leaving on Christmas afternoon to go to Victoria to spend some time with Skip’s family, and the rest of the break will be spent at home.  We are off work starting tomorrow through January 4th.  It will be a nice break for sure!

Unfortunately, I got the idea yesterday to check on airfare to Pittsburgh after talking to my mom.  I found some flights for as little as $219 (after taxes and fees) and got excited about going “home”.  I haven’t been to pittsburgh in almost 4 years now.  My mom hasn’t seen the boys in 6 months, and it’s been almost a year since she’s seen Calista.

I called Skip with the idea, and he initially thought it sounded good.  We’d have left for Victoria last night — instead of on Christmas day — then go down to SeaTac on the 27th to fly to Pittsburgh.  I was also talking to my mom about it, who said to take some time to think about it (cost, logistics, etc) so I did.  I now regret not buying the tickets when I first talked to Skip.

We started thinking about money and how things are tight financially.  He is afraid we could get into trouble if we spend the money, and a part of me knows that it’s a prudent choice not to go.  But my heart wants to go.  I think about the things the boys are doing right now — their baby signs, how Nate babbles into anything he can pretend is a phone, Aces sloppy, open mouth kisses, Nates oh-so-careful steps he takes when he walks — and I want my mom to see for herself.  Sure, we can wait a couple of months to go at a “better” time (financially and weather-wise), but this phase will be over by then.  And sure, they will be doing other great things, but there’s something about THIS stage of their babyhood, coupled with Christmastime, that makes me want to go home NOW.

I keep looking at airfare, hoping to magically find some ridiculously low price that I just can’t pass up (as if $200 per person isn’t ridiculously low enough).  I wish I could get my mom out here, but she always has work, or my niece, or her own financial concerns that keep her from doing so.

I went to bed crying last night, which of course did nothing for my headache (except make it worse).  I don’t want to be all mopey for Christmas, but it’s hard to shake off right now.


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