I am avoiding doing anything productive at the moment because I’m overwhelmed and when I am overwhelmed, I procrastinate.  I actually suffer from paralyzing procrastination at times — I get so overwhelmed I honestly cannot force myself to do anything.  It’s awful.  But for now, I’m just tired and wishing the hours would pass a heck of a lot faster than they are, so I thought a post might get me five minutes closer to bed time.

Calista started first grade at her new school yesterday.  It was a big day!  She got a new outfit, and was ready to take the bus.  It’s a good thing my mom had passed on her frustration over my niece missing the bus on her first day of school because it was ten minutes early.  After hearing that, I had Calista at the bus stop ten minutes early, and the bus was arriving as we were walking to the stop!  Ack!

Calista bounded on happily and I followed the bus so I could meet her at school and help her take in her supplies and find her class.

We met up at the school, but not before I had trouble finding a parking spot and almost had a coronary when I lost site of the bus for a few seconds, which felt like hours.  Fortunately, I got to the bus just as she was getting off, and we found her classroom together.

I put all her supplies away as the teacher had instructed, filled out a form about how she was getting home from school, and then we promptly informed — by Calista — that I could go.  Hmpf.  I snuck in a quick kiss on the cheek and left her to her first day.

She came home on the bus and seemed to have a great day.  She likes her teacher, her class, and the playground.  It’s a much bigger school than where she went to Kindergarten, and I think she’s going to do great.

Today was a bit overwhelming for me, though, as Ace had therapy.  That meant I had to go right from work to get the boys at day care.  Then it’s off to therapy, which Nate has to come to as well since I now don’t have enough time to get him to our friend’s house else I’d never make it home in time to get Calista from the bus.  We got to therapy and Ace had pooped.  And I had no wipes with me for whatever reason.  Fantastic.

Got him cleaned up, did therapy, which turned into more of therapy for me as I’ve had a lot of emotional turmoil as of late (that’s another post for another time) and I’m feeling really stressed out, angry and lost all at once.  So…  I wasted a good deal of the OTs time talking about myself, though Ace and I did got for a horse ride while Gater went with L, the therapist, and walked the horse.

We had to stop and get gas afterward, and the line was so long that I practically had to race home to get there before Calista, and her bus came just as I was getting Nate out of the car.  Whew.

She promptly informed me that they will be celebrating her Saturday birthday in school tomorrow, which I selfishly hoped they wouldn’t because now I have to worry about making cupcakes.  I am tired, I have no cupcake mix, Skip is going to a football game after work and won’t be home until midnight-ish so I can’t just run out sans kids and get cupcake mix…  sigh.  I have decided to try to make them from scratch once the kids go to bed.  Wish me luck — I suck at baking, cooking and using the stove in general.

I didn’t buy enough groceries this week, so I have to get creative with dinner in a little bit here, and seeing as I suck at using the stove, and I’m tired, and feeding the kids is really one of the parenting chores I hate most (what to make, actually making it, trying to get them to eat it, listening to the complaints about having to eat it, cleaning it up after they’ve thrown it everywhere…).  Joy.

Then I have to bathe the buggers which I actually don’t mind, but again, this whole really tired thing is putting a damper on it.  And getting the boys to sleep with minimal screaming is always fun.  I am cringing just thinking about the fun we will have in just a few short hours!!

Calista’s birthday is Saturday and I am not the least bit prepared.  I have to call and order a cake.  Like, now, if I hope to have it for Saturday I suppose.

I still need to get her a gift because the dolls I had planned to get her (that she wants) are not to be found in-store anywhere.  I called several of them.  Even in Canada.  No luck.  I ordered online from the manufacturer and when I put in my ZIP code they offered local pick-up — where, I don’t know, but it sounded good! — but then got an email that there is no local place to pick up and they will be shipped in three days.  Crap.   Now I have to find a different gift, which means spending twice as much due to my stupidity.

Tomorrow Ace has speech therapy in the morning, and I have to take Calista to gymnastics straight from school.  Which might not be so bad if I had a leotard for her.  Which, of course, I don’t.  And same with the cupcake mix, I am not in the mood to drag these three out to get one right now, which means I will pay three times as much to buy one at the gym for her right before class.  Awesome.  But hey, at least it will be a really nice and well made one, right?  She better stay in gymnastics until she’s 30 and she’s going to wear that leotard until it falls apart.

Right after gymnastics I have to hurry and clean up the disaster that is our house and get the office/play room in some sort of order so that MIL and FIL have a place to sleep.  In my dream world, it would already be in some sort of order and all I would have to do is vacuum and throw down the air mattress with some linens, but no such luck.

Once that’s done, and somewhere in there I’ll stuff some food in my face, I have to run out and find above mentioned mystery replacement gift (plus wrapping paper, as I’m out of the stuff) and then head to the ferry terminal to pick up MIL and FIL.

I should be home by about 9 pm, and God willing, the kids will already be asleep so I can stop and breathe.  Then I get to wake up Saturday morning, go to work, come home from work in time to have a mini-party for Calista and celebrate my little princess turning the big 6 (can you believe it?!).

Sunday I work again.  Not sure what the plan is for Sunday evening, but as I have been writing, I realize that somewhere in there, we’re supposed to take Calista to Billy McHale’s for a birthday supper.  Sounds like I now have Sunday evening’s plans…

Monday morning either Skip will take MIL and FIL to the ferry and I will stay with the kids, or vice-versa and after that, I really think I’d like to take a nap.  But that won’t happen, so maybe we will go to the park or something.  I just hope it’s a nice day — it’s not often that Skip and I have a day off work together.

Did I mention I am tired, overwhelmed and avoiding doing anything productive?  I better call and order that birthday cake…

4 Replies to “Avoidance”

  1. Sommer, my heart slowly breaks for you. Amongst all the joy of your beautiful kids, there is much to be done and I can see why you are overwhelmed. What can I do for you? Really. I can cook, I can drive, I can run errands. If you need something and you can’t get out, please call me. We are in the book, and my cell is 303-8659. I kid you not, I will be there for you, do anything for you all. I see what wonderful people you and Skip are and what delightful children you are raising and I am here for you. I’ve never read your blogs before and am enjoying reading them-you are a good writer, and I hear the quiet desperation of tiredness and trying to hold it all together. I can say I understand because of what I feel like I go through, but it is nothing compared to what you are dealing with in raising a family. I offer free babysitting if you guys ever get desperate. Keep up the good work and take care of yourselves and know that there are people out there supporting you. Just remember to ask.

  2. Dare I ask how the weekend went?

    You can call and vent any time you need to (or have the time to).

    I’ll tell you again, you’re doing a great job. Though our spouses and children might disagree, we are NOT superheros and every now and again, something falls through the cracks. It’s a bitch being human isn’t it?

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