Another Day

Last night, we decided to go out and spoil Calista and ourselves. Calista got a Genevieve doll (from Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses) as well as her own copy of the movie (we’d been renting it). We walked around the mall, and later Wal-Mart for a good 5 hours, but Skip and I never did find anything for ourselves. We still had a nice time out, though.

I had a dream last night that our IVF worked anyway. Wouldn’t that be lovely?

And talk about adding insult to injury, I am sick with a cold now. Yay.

I told my mom yesterday that it didn’t work and she cried. Skip told his sister and she said she’ll figure out a way to get us a baby. Ha!

I’m still kind of numb. How is it possible it didn’t work? Of course, I understand the reality of it, but it still seems surreal. I sort of naively assumed that since we’ve been pregnant before, once we got the sperm and egg together, my body could do the rest. Now I worry that it’s not just that we were on the losing end of the statistics, but maybe there’s something wrong with me that we don’t know about.

The one good thing that comes from this is that it really solidifies what we already knew — Calista is a true miracle. How we ever conceived her seems impossible. I wish I knew what the secret was to her conception, that’s for sure!

As I was sitting in the living room crying yesterday, I explained to Calista that the “baby seeds” didn’t work and it made me sad. She wiped my tears with her blankie and told me that maybe the doctor could put some new baby seeds in tomorrow. I wish it were that easy.

I’ve already decided that I am going to start saving and fundraising for another try. Though I’m not sure how I will do it this time, as I have no more big things to sell (since I sold them all last time). Honestly, I wish I had the guts to do what other people do and post a big web site that says, “If only 1,000 people gave me $10 each, we’d reach our goal!” But (1) there really is no such thing as free money and (2) I need to come by this money honestly. Man I wish I had some rich uncle who just had $10,000 laying around.

I’m also sending a letter to Skip’s benefits administrator to urge them to add infertility coverage to their health insurace. I found a great letter to use at that has a lot of statistics and information that adding infertility coverage, in 91% of cases studied, did NOT increase the cost to the employer. I doubt it will work and convince them to add it, but at least it’s worth a try.

I’ve been looking around, trying to find out what — if any — companies in this area offer health insurance with some sort of infertility coverage. I’d take a job anywhere if it just gave me SOME coverage. Anything would be better than nothing.

I sent a letter to our local senator as well (using another letter from RESOLVE) urging them to consider state-mandated infertility coverage. There are states that already have this, I wish we were so luck as to have it as well. I read the Illinois not only has state mandated infertility coverage for companies with more that 25 employees, but it covers up to FOUR IVF attemps for a first child, and up to two IVF attemps if trying for a second child. Wow. Some people are so lucky to have such coverage. I wish we were.

2 Replies to “Another Day”

  1. Sommer,

    I’m sorry sorry to hear that “the seeds didn’t take”. I feel sad for your family and slightly discouraged for our own quest for “just one more”. Please know that you’re in or thoughts and prayers.

    btw…..I hear that Massachusetts require insurance companies to cover up to six cycles.

  2. I’m so sorry Sommmer. My husband’s company covers IVF – 30k lifetime max. It’s Accenture and they have offices all over.

    I so hope you will get another shot…but also try next month on your own. We got pg the month after an IVF MC. I recall our nurse at the RE’s saying that lots of people get pg the cycle after an IVF cycle that failed.

    GOOD LUCK!!!


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