Last night, I just lost it. I’ve been sick for five weeks now, and have been struggling for three weeks to get help. I felt like I finally had found it when the OB said he told my MD to send me for fluids and meds, but now that my MD is out of town and I am having trouble getting his office to send the order without him, I just feel… defeated.
Last night’s dinner consisted of instant mashed potatoes, a plain bagel and later, oatmeal. I am sick of bland food. I am sick of being hungry but not being able to eat. I am sick of feeling sick as soon as I DO eat. I have this horrible taste in my mouth all.the.time and my mom sent me lemon candy which has helped with the taste, but now I have a mouth full of canker sores from the acidity.
I feel useless, worn down and mostly ANGRY. WHY can’t my body do this like other women? Why do some women get hyperemesis and have to suffer? Why can’t I just ENJOY this time?
I just ended up having a good, long, heaving sob on my bathroom floor last night because I just don’t know what to DO. I was halfheartedly praying I’d throw up and feel some relief, all the while praying I didn’t throw up because I don’t want to go down that road.
I’ve been in such a good place for such a long time. Life has been good. Great, actually. And I am so excited to have another baby. But I feel the depression creeping in and I hate it.
I called the infusion place today – the one I am trying to get the MD’s office to refer me to – to see if there’s any point trying to get a referral today. She was so sweet and told me they can start HG infusion the same day as the referral! She took my info and asked for my doctor’s office info so she, too, could call to try to get them to send the paperwork. She made me feel hopeful I can still get in before the long weekend and maybe have some relief. I called the doctor’s office right afterwards but the nurse was busy, so I’m still waiting for a call back. Even if they send just ONE request for me to go today, then I can deal with the rest next week.
I just need to get through this part.
